Saturday, January 28, 2006

About anything.....

Yesterday was such a long just seemed to drag out. My mom stopped by in the morning after work and gave me a moist heat heating pad. Now I know the difference. :o) I feels so much better then a regular heating pad. I still have to watch though on burning myself. I really appreciate her doing that for me. I'm still having the severe pain in my left hip and upper thigh. My hip will even go out on me at times. I don't understand whats going on. I thought I would be better by now. When I told my physical therapist about my hip going out on me, she just said, "Uh oh!" As if she knew something and couldn't tell me. I'll find out sometime.

My sister left yesterday to go back to Eaton for the weekend to see her boy friend. I really miss her already. She's been so much help to me in so many ways. No one will ever understand how much I appreciate her help. :o) Now she see's what I go through and write about in this journal is very true! It's like when my grandparents were ill and they lived all the way in Indiana, and every weekend I would drive over there and clean their house and do the things that needed to be done. And at the begining of each month, I would help them at the groceries to get everything stocked up for the month. I did it out of love. I didn't do it for anything else. No one else were helping them, so I did it. They would tell me that if it wasn't for me helping them, they wouldn't know how certain things would get done for them. My husband understood that I would be gone every weekend with the kids to help them, and it was years while I was doing this. They were my grandparents, I couldn't just let them be there with no one helping. Now, I'm on that same end! I know how they must have felt. I'm in need of help, and no one has done it! Now that my sister has been here, she has seen what I've been saying as true! It's sad that some of your own family doesn't see it. My husband helps me as much as he can after work, and I really appreciate it so much. :o) And now my sister is here and has helped me so much. :o) I'm really going to miss her when she leaves. My life will go right back to where it was before she got here. My best friend helps me by just coming over to visit. :o) She isn't able to do certain things either because of her shoulder and hands. My daughter helps me when she is able to, which isn't often because she has the baby to take care of. :o) Bless her heart! :o) Now my son...yea right! Nope..if someone else needs him, he's there to help them way before me. :o( He honestly dosen't realize how much that hurts. I've told him but he thinks that I will get better. I've told him I won't. Oh well..I can keep going on that one. :o( Another sad thing is when I'm told that someone is going to either help me in some way, or donate medical needs to me then don't has really hurt me as well. They don't realize how much that has hurt me. It sets me up to believe in a false hope. Thats happened all summer. :o( I guess what I'm getting at is how people "chose" to say and do certain things, and it ends up hurting someone else in the mean time. Like me. If you say you can't come over because you work, thats fine, I understand, but if you chose to stay up and not go to bed, again thats your choice. When knowing someone could use your help, and chose not to. I don't want to hear excuses, or their "friend said this and is believed when it is a lie or hear "what do you want from me?" Or even, "I don't know what your problem is, or "I don't know what you're thinking now!" That hurts. The answer to all of those comments are...simply Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! And no, I don't expect anything! Just to clear that up. Someone wrote a comment about when they weren't able to work anymore, how all of their friends and co workers stopped coming by, calling or the like! What we have isn't "catchy!" And what others don't understand is NOW is the time when we need them the most in our lives! And they "chose" to ignore you. And others don't get it! Yes, as you can tell, I have so much on my mind that I truly need to get out. I've been hurt by a few people in the past few months, and they don't even realize how much they have hurt me. People that I even thought were my friends! Oh well. This is my life! It sucks! and the only other family member that actually has witnessed and seen for herself has been my sister. She's also the only family member that has been helping me as well. So much has gotten accomplished since she's been here. :o) Just too bad that no one else see's it. :o( Excluding my husband. And too bad no one "hears" me when I ask for help and I'm ignored and the subject is always changed. When I realized a few months back that I really did need help and that I should even ask for help, I honestly thought I would get it. Boy was I wrong. Excluding my husband and my best friend. My sister lived so far away, and didn't really know how it was here. She doesn't understand it either. I guess I'm done pissing and moaning again. Sorry if my entry isn't "uplifting" to others, just needed to get things off my chest. And I hope you understand. I'm in so much pain right now, with so much on my mind....I feel if I get it out in this journal, it just might help my pain a bit.

God bless you all. :o) And thank you for all of your comments and PLEASE keep them coming! :o) They really do help me get through my days. :o) If you only knew.

P.S. This is to someone that knows what I'm talking about; Yes, I did say, "I didn't know what you're talking about," only because he said something else other then the item in question. Then when it was repeated to me, I then knew what he was talking about and did tell him the truth and Yes I did know. So please, that is the truth, and if he would have said the item in question instead of something else, I would have known right away what he said in the begining, and wouldn't have said that I didn't know what he was talking about. Ok? I want you to know that.


soupergurl68 said...

Im proud of you for getting this off your chest, Yes I do witness how you are left alone and ignored except for a few people, and I do know what you are feeling, No I may not have your disability but I do know how it feels to be ignored by your family. So having a disability makes it even worse for you. I will wirry so much about you when it is time for me to go. I love you alot6 and will always be there for you no matter what even if I have to work I will do what I can without complaining or making you feel bad because thats what family is for. Love you

shelt28 said...

Be careful with that heating pad. Take care of yourself.