Friday, January 27, 2006

Hanging in there.... :o) physical therapist came yesterday morning. Like I've said before in past entries, I've been using a heating pad to sit on while in bed and at nights while sleeping. The thing is, I've always had it on the low setting. Well, she found that I have 4 burns on my hip and leg! There is one that is pretty bad! On my hip! She wasn't able to massage that area very hard because she said it would rip my skin off! Yikes! :o( with my body being as numb as it is, I had no idea I was burnt! I didn't even feel it! I was more worried about catching my bed on fire! I keep forgetting that I'm not able to feel how hot or how cold things really are. I've burnt myself so many times without knowing it. This disease is so weird! :o( Needless to say, I'm still in the same pain that I have been for so long. Geesh!

Yesterday just was a blah day. I was able to take a nap. That made me feel a bit better for awhile. It was just one of those lazy feeling days. My sister felt the same as I did.

Has anyone ever felt alone or ignored even when there are people around you? Well, I do and have been. I haven't felt alone since my sister has been here. But I still feel ignored. Not by my sister or my daughter or my husband, but ny the rest of my family. In my opinion, just by reading my journal, doesn't mean that you are keeping up on me and my health and what is really going on in my life. I don't write everything in this. And thats just my opinion. Too bad I don't get emails or calls to see how I'm doing or just to say hello. No pity party here, just stating the facts. There are family members that have stopped calling me and emailing me to just say hello. That hurts and makes me feel ignored. I'm here all the time in this house, and I haven't changed. Someone else has. It takes less then a minute to write an email to say hello, and maybe 2 minutes to call. Oh well...I'll keep doing what I've been doing...nothing. Thats just another thing that bugs me. When someone thinks they know me and how I am. Do you really? Not if you don't talk to me and hear me. Then you don't. In my opinion. Or, in some cases....someone that does all the talking and never let you get a word in edge wise, then they think they know me when they couldn't because they were the one talking and not getting to know me or let me talk. Or again, just read my journal and think they really know what's going on in my life when I couldn't possibly write all of that in here. I guess by writing what I just did is something thats really been on my mind for awhile. Just kept it in. By not doing anything and always being here in this house, and everyone knows this, it just kind of hurts a little that people have stopped emailing me or calling me and thinking by reading my journal then they know how I'm doing. Not true! Plus, wouldn't they think that maybe I would like to hear from them too? That it just might brighten up my day. hhhmmm? Oh well, their loss, not mine.

My daughter called me last night and wanted my sister and I to come over to try her up side down cake. :o) It was the first time that she made one. :o) So, we went over and it was perfect! YAY! :o) I'm very proud of her! :o) I'm still worried about her and my grandson. I only wish she would be honest to herself. If she doesn't then my grandson will suffer in the end. :o( I don't want that.

I guess I'm done pissing and moaning. Felt good to get just a few things off my chest. I only wish I could get a lot more off. It would make me feel so much better. Maybe I'll write another entry in today, who knows. I guess what it is...I know how I am and what I would and have done for others, and then to have people in my own family make me feel that they really don't care. It just hurts.

Enough for now......God bless you all. :o) Please keep the comments coming. :o) Gentle hugs. :o)


shelt28 said...

I know what you mean about feeling ignored. When I stopped working not one person called. Not my co workers. Not my Bosses. Not my so called friends either. It was very hurtful.


seraphoflove9001 said...

Oh Carolyn....I'm so sorry. :o( Thats whats happened to me as well, and it's my family! It really does hurt more then I think they realize. Or even care to realize. Thank you for understanding.

l8ybug1945 said...

I know how you feel. When Richard & I quit smoking my family quit coming to see us. I guess it was too much to ask not to smoke in my house. We've been to their homes but I quit going when I couldn't get them to come to mine. I feel it's their loss. It really hurts to know you have family that doesn't want anything to do with you, but I'm learning to get over it. Hope you're having a better day today. Take care & God Bless.....Love, Aunt Rita

seraphoflove9001 said...

Thank you Aunt Rita. Yes, thats exactly how I feel. And yes it does hurt. I feel that it is their loss and not mine as well.