Saturday, December 4, 2004

To those that took my last entry wrong.

It's about what I deal with in a day to day setting. It's my life.....the life that I "have" to live now. That is how I one sparked my thoughts and feelings about my writings.

It's like when someone asks you, "How are you?" Do they really want to know? Or, do they just expect your responce to be a general, "Fine, thank you."? I'm just getting a little bit tired of just saying, "Fine, thank you." Anything wrong with that? I don't seem to think so. Do you actually think that someone would ask you how you were feeling, and then litterally sit down and "listen" to you? I don't.....Because when and if I do say that I didn't get much sleep, or, my legs are really hurting me today, I hear, "I know just how you feel, mine are hurting too!", and "I didn't get much sleep either." But, does anyone stop to think.....why? My Demon is part of the rest of my life. It was not my choice. Sorry. Do others feel that if they say that they hurt also, that it will make you feel alittle more "normal?" It doesn't me....I just want to crawl away.....imagine what "they" would do with this Demon.

My dream in my life time, is, to help the people, that want to understand and get to know the "real" me, to understand the "real" me. To understand what it's really like to walk in body pain. A never ending Demon. I see people that will get a leg cramp.....they go nuts trying to rub it out! Imagine your whole body like that leg cramp.

Try living with the people around you, that you used to go places with....and they still go places......but stopped asking if you'd like to go. Even if I have to turn them's the thought that counts. Like I said....I cry in silent, and through my forced smile.

Again....this and my last entry was, and is not to anyone in particular. So, more emails thinking it was "you" I am talking about. Unless you are feeling guilty.

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