Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Something to just get off my chest!
What I would like from my family is more responsibilty. They all try and help me by asking "how are you feeling?" Yet, they over look the small things that cause me the things that make me "not feel good," and to use up most of the energy that I do have. Example; when I try to go to our kitchen, we have an area rug in the hallway. It seems that it always has a "lump" in the middle. I do my best to walk around it with my walker. By the time I bend over to fix it, it takes up too much energy! A simple "chore" like that, turns into a major "energy zapper" by the time I do this numerous times a day! Please put water in the dishes so I don't have to scrub so hard when I wash them. If you drop toothpaste on the sink, wipe it up, asap! Don't leave it there for me to scrub a day later! Just take care of your OWN messes and you will save me a ton of energy! Especially when there are all adults living in this house! I also want them to know that I can feel good mentally, but not physically. If I'm happy and talking and having fun, that does NOT mean I can take you up on your offer to go to the mall or shopping! I can have pain and still be happy! Sometimes we are forced to act unhappy, even though we feel good so YOU do not expect so much from me physically. A good mental day does not equal a good physical day. One last thing I need from those in my life, is for you to NOT take it personally. This is my life, for the rest of my life! If we are somewhere and I ask to leave early, don't think something is wrong or that I'm mad. I just know my limits, and know I have to leave and get rest. I will push myself to be there for you. Thats out of love. I will do so much, and then regret, feel guilt, and beat myself up over and over, if I feel I'VE done something wrong. My family really needs to be able to relate to my STRESS and pain level! Well, this "illness" that I am experiencing had never been included in my bringing up as a child! The grief, and guilt feelings were also no where in my childhood to be prepared for this! I put on a brave face and grew more dependent on my husband and family members for my well being. I never realized how slowly my life had been taken from me. And how much! A piece at a time. What I did not know, was to take time to grieve, adjust. I was a woman with children! It was up to me to plan meals, shop, kiss boo boos, listen to my families problems, and do homewrok, mail bills, and attend school functions! I was trained to do all of that. I was never trained how to take care of myself. I am asking for those that do live in the same house as I do...to please help me out by being the adult, and help around the house, and PICK UP AFTER YOURSELF! It takes way too much energy from me to do it now.