Spilling the beans

                           Right now….it is 10:53, and I can’t sleep. I have sooo much on my mind right now. Way too much I would say! What a day this has turned out to be. It’s different how things come about when you least expect them to. Especially when you don’t have anything planned or even when you do! Things in my life right now seem to have made such a big turn…a sharp turn at that! I guess you could even say to the point to where I have so much that I have to really do a lot of thinking. Plus a lot of talking to a few people about some things about some very important matters that NEED to be addressed very soon! And I do mean SOON! It just seems that so many things have really changed in my life. I’ve had a lot of time to do a lot of thinking and the arthritis specialist that I see in Englewood…took sooo many blood test the first time that I saw him. I’ve been back to see him twice since. The second time I went back, after the blood tests, he told me that I had Fibromyalgia! And proceeded to explain it to me. I then told him that I had it. He gave me a new medicine at that time. The next time I went to see him was another follow up to see how the medicine was doing. He gave me another script. I have another appointment to see him again on Monday the 16th! Last week, while at my neurologists office, when being told that I was "missed diagnosed," I totally forgot what my arthritis specialist had told me! Of course….I was just blown away from the news that he was telling me. So… I’m feeling like I’m in some kind of a big "Whats going on here?" kind of thing! If that makes any sense at all?! So many things are just rushing around in my mind! I’m confused, upset, worries, scared, mad, asking myself did I miss something here? I’m going to get a copy of the results that actually say that I DO have Fibromyalgia from the arthritis specialist and get all of the information that I can from my neurologist as well! Then, put them together, and start reading and go from there! Because all of this is just way too much for me! Whats going on? I WILL get to the bottom of this! Because this is about ME and I can’t just not know whats what!Do I have this…do I have that? Who knows! This isn’t right! It isn’t at all fair to me! Not at all. I can’t sleep tonight because I have too much on my mind. Besides all of the medical crap, I have a lot more as well. A lot that is personal as well. I don’t know what to do about either. I talked to my daughter today which helped, and found out a few things from her that I knew nothing about that really upset me pretty bad! Which upset her! I don’t want her upset either! Geesh! Then when my home health aid came, I just broke down and started talking to her! She’s here a few hours, which she really helps me out so much. But I felt that I must have bomb barded her today with all my problems. I just started talking and it all just came out, and my daughter was sitting on the couch studying and was confirming what I was saying…And I just couldn’t seem to stop! She’s such a sweet lady, and she had been through a very similar situation as me, and had a lot of good feed back for me. :o) She had also mentioned a program that she thought I was on called Passport. Most of her other clients are on that. I don’t have any clue as to how to find out how to get on it or anything else, and she didn’t either, just the name and what the program does, they really help the patients. So, That’s another project for me to do on line…research on that.
I haven’t heard from sister. :o( I must have upset her. I apologized to her, even though my family and I weren’t invited to the wedding, only the party. I was just confused on the invitation that I received. I had no idea that a party would be at a church..thats all. I wish nothing but the best for her and her new husband. Even the rest of my family was confused about it, not only me.

It’s now 12:07 and it’s taken me all this time to type this! See how long and how hard it takes me?! My hands have gotten so much worse! I do want to share something, and I hope I don’t get any flak over it. So, here goes;

Love is patient,

Love is Kind,

And envies no one.

Love is never boastful,

Nor conceited, nor rude:

Never selfish,

Not quick to take offence.

Love keeps no score of wrongs:

Does not gloat over another sins,

But delights in the truth.

There is nothing

Love can not face:

There is no limit to it’s faith,

It’s hope, and it’s endurance.

In a word, there are three things that

Last forever:

Faith, hope, and love:

But the greatest of them all

Is love.

1 Corinthiens 13

I’ve always loved that! :o) I know I quoted, but so what! :o) So sue me! I’m tired of feeling that I have to hold my tongue on writing what I want to in my own journal because of a few mean spirited people! If you don’t like it…move on!
I have too many other things in my life right now that I need to worry about then petty people that seem to enjoy picking on others! And I say to you; Go some place else!

If I missed a word or misspelled so what! There are more important things in life then that! Geesh! Get over your selves!

Moving on…..

As you can tell…..this whole last week has made a huge impact on me. So much to do and so much to get in motion soon. And a lot of help need as well. Soooo…back to the drawing board for me. Back to researching on line for information. I’m in a bracket that I feel isn’t very fare. I’m not under the age of 18, I’m not over the age of 65, I’m not a veteran and a few other things I will not mention. Which leaves me in a "limbo" type of space that is hard to get help. I’m a 43 year old woman disabled woman. Thas it. I receive S.S.I. wich is $603.00 a month. I also get the Medicaid card. That’s what I live off of. I pay Jim $200.00 a month! Everyone else that lives here doesn’t pay anything! Which upsets me. Last summer…a friend of mine and I(well, she claims now she doesn’t know me now lol I consider her as a friend, friends help friends) talked about that, and got through to him and he finally decided to stop having me stop asking me to give him that money! Because I need it for my own needs! Well…now, It’s back to where I pay him $130.00 a month now! It’s something that he came up with and that’s what I have to do! So, I do it! <sigh> There is a co pay now on all of my meds. And I have to pay for that, my personal items, my other personal items like the pads I have to wear because I urinate myself! Those are expensive! I’ve said many times how I leave a lot out that I don’t write about, well tonight I’m letting some of it out! And here it is! This is my life! This is how I live! This is it, black and white! I’m still going to make a private journal, but still haven’t had the time to do it as yet. But I will. I also have some poems that I’ve written from when I was a teenager as well that I will post. That was a loooonnngggg time ago! LOL :o) I just came across them! The pages are discolored! LOL :o) Oh well. :o) It is now 3:15...I think I'll wrap this up. I hope I didn't depress anyone. :o) Sorry if I did. Thank you for all of your kind emails and comments! God blesses you all each and every day!