Friday, December 29, 2006

I'm still here


Good morning. I hope that all of you are well this morning.
I truly want to thank all of you for your support! Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without all of you or where I'd be! Thank you so very much! :o) I have all of you and my daughter as well! :o) She has seen and has heard most of the things that goes on around here. God bless her. My son is hardly here because of band practice after work. I hardly ever see him, and when I did try to talk to him, he didn't want to hear me, so I stoped and said no more.
I told my daughter that I feel like a puppet. I do and say what I'm told to do without any question. I never really thought about it until these past weeks. My daughter said that I'm his scapegoat! She's right! :o( So when I am told to tell someone something, then he looks like the good person, and I'm the fallguy! Oh well. It will be over sooner then anyone thinks.

My daughter has an appointment at David's Bridal shop to look at wedding gowns today! Yes, I'm going with her! :o) I'm taking my camera of course! :o) No matter what she will put on...she'll look beautiful in! :o) And thats at 3:00. And the Darvocet has gotten in my system now and what it's done is relaxed me. Which is a good thing. I hope I don't embarrases her when we get there.
Plus, last night, what I did was I stayed up as late as I could to make sure that I could try and sleep in! It worked! I wasn't the first one up this time, he was...so that meant that he had to clean up the messes! :o) Not trying to be mean, just wanting a break for myself amd my body! :o) He was coping very well either. He was yelling at the puppy, and I never do that becasue it's not his fault. I think I'll try it again tonight and see if my daughter will stay up with me! :o) And in hopes that he will go to bed before me. Geesh...I feel like I'm plotting something. See, I always second guess myself. Because I feel mean. And I'm not a mean person. uuuggghhh!
Oh, and I found out something last night that I didn't know! He came to me and asked me if I minded if he gave my daughter money this week? ( he gives her money every week so she can have money, I don't understand it when her boy friend lives here ) I told him that it was up to him. I don't like the idea at all because he could be giving it to me. Or something else! It's like $40.00! But, awhile back, he took my credit cards away from me! Telling me that I didn't know how to keep up with my bills or something stupid like that. Which wasn't true at all. I have all my receipts to prove I paid everyone of them every month, infact, one of them raise my credit line becasue I am a good customer with them! :o) I have about 16 cards. I was allowed to keep 4 of them. The rest, I thought he cut up and threw them away. And I was still making the payments on them. He told me last night that he feels it to be ok that he can give my daughter money every week because he says he helps me out on my credit cards!? What? Oh sure! What ever! The ones I have are store ones, the ones he has, aren't, and I wonder if he isn't using them and making payments behind my back, or not and making my credit bad! If so....All hell will break lose! It's not my fault that my credit was good and his isn't! I've asked him last night if I could have them, and he said he could find them! gggrrr! I'll look for myself then!
I am just so tired of being used and abused and called a lier, and so many other things when all I do is what I'm told to do. And basically my days are sitting in this room! Oh boy! Others can believe what they want to, and say what they want to, but at least "I" know what I'm going through and living through right now and years before this! I'm just now starting to talk about it, thats all! And my health isn't getting any better at all. He sure doesn't help by getting me upset everyday, but I do try to relax. I get up and try to make myself walk so I don't lose muslce mass there. I am, but I just feel that it's a good thing to do when I can. I do as much activity as I can. I really do not like being sruck in a wheel chair. I'm more restricted then ever. But, it does help my back, hips and legs so much. Since I'm relaxed more from the Darvicet, I have noticed that my pains are easier for me to cope with as well. Good call on my doctor's side! :o) He is a good doctor.
I'm going to go now. I've ranted way to long and I'm sorry for that. Thank you all for your supportive emails and comments! :o) God bless all of you! :o)

12 comments:

hugsdoodlewacky said...

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sugarsweet056 said...

I would call the places (of the cards he has) & have them canceled!! That way he can't use them & ruin your credit! Or you could report them lost, they'll cancel them & send you new ones! And keep these hidden from him! :)
Hugs, Sug

my78novata said...

I would cancel those credit cards he has all but the four you have and then if you wnat get one that he does not know about!!!!!!!!!  but cancel those he has. you can cancle them and pay on whats left but stop them frombeing used. Dont let him use you and I sure hope you get out of that house. I feelsorry for the puppy

cacklinrosie101 said...

Lisa, I hate to be blunt but this is no marriage at all.  He has you totally under his control.  I lived this life except I was moving around and working.  We had his money that he made, "our" money which was my paycheck, and "my" money which he knew nothing about because I had it deducted from my paycheck and direct desposited in an account he knew nothing about.  I wasn't "allowed" to buy the kids clothes even.  Please start asking your nurses about assistance for women in crisis.  Men in control try to control all aspects of our live.  Girl, you need to get some outside help with this.  Maybe one of your Ohio readers can steer you to a free hotline for help.  HUGS  Chris

dca721 said...

Hi Lisa,
Surely you would qualify for some Social Security if you arent getting already.
You say, sooner then later, sounds interesting and positive too.
It's so tough to be married under the best circumstance...in my opinion.  My current marriage I caught my husband lie-ing.  ( I will tell you in email if you would like sometime).  
I was so stiff this morning with my arthritis that I had to hold rail and do one step at a time this morning just to get down stairs to make coffee,  wish I lived in a ranch...hate the stairs...
I think the pads for your dog are a good idea, but wouldn't really work for me, the pain I am in. I think maybe you are in too much pain to do that or even get out the store to buy them.  If I were you I would say the dog can stay if someone wants to care for it but your not able to...in my opinion.  Stress is way bad for you, we had a big blow out here on Christmas and seems like since then my arthritis has flared.
All for now and hang in there girlee.
Love,
Donna

lisa41076 said...

Awwwwwwwwwww Lisa, I hope maybe your daughter can help you get out , maybe you can cancel the credit cards you are'nt using so they wo'nt be used without you knowing, Hugs to you Lisa XO

siennastarr said...

Man, I could not stand having to ask some damn man (sorry guys) for money!  When I was married to my first husband, I was a SAHM and I had to ask him for EVERYTHING!  I didn't like it then, but, I did it because I was young and naive.  Once I got out on my own, made my own money, paid my own bills, bought my own home and car.. and didn't have any man to thank for any of it.. I realized how awesome it all was.  I could never get married again, because I do not like to feel as though I have to answer to anyone.  Does that make me a selfish Bitch? Guess so.. lol  
I'm sorry you have to deal with all this, Lisa..  Someone else mentioned SS... do you get that?  If not, then you should.  If you have ever worked in your life, and you are completely disabled, you should be able to draw on it.  That would give you some extra money every month.  Money that you could call YOUR OWN!!

Hugs
Jackie
http://journals.aol.com/siennastarr/Hopefloats/

kamdghwmw said...

We are a strange household. I do ask my hubby for money. For years I was the one paying the  bills and stretching the money. When my husband retired I gave hime the check book and the ATM card. I love not having to pay the bills or to worry about any of that stuff any more. That is what works for US! LOL
kelli
http://journals.aol.com/kamdghwmw/noonmom

katie39041 said...

Iam glad the new meds are relaxing you, you will start seeing things clearer over the next week or so. One thing i do know you have mega problems and you need sound advice, your comments from other jlanders are giving you a helping hand. I hope you have a lovely time with your daughter today.

jckfrstross said...

good luck:) and have fun today

Deb

therealslimemmy said...

hope you had fun going to the bridal shoppe!!!!
:)
and hope you are feeling better resting up
ttyl
emily

am4039 said...

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