Thursday, December 28, 2006

Here I am.


I had a doctors appointment yesterday morning to see my sleep specialist about the results of my sleep test finally. Nothings has changed, and I don't have anything more! Whew. :o) Thats good. :o) Thats really all I wanted to know. That was good news. Thankfully, my mom took me. My walking has not gotten any better at all. My physical therapist yesterday morning had me bawling like a baby! It hurt so bad. Not her fault of course. I don't think I can take anymore this morning....I'll probably get sick! I'll have to call her. My sleep specialist is my favorite doctor. :o) If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have had the first of the MRI's to get the ball rolling to my diagnosis of fibromyalgia! He was the only one that never told me it wasn't in my head! :o) And yesterday I was talking with him, and he really knows me. After our talk about the results, he asked me what was wrong. He said that he could tell by my eyes that something was wrong. When he said that, The water gates just opened up! I've had so much on my mind lately and haven't really been able to talk about it to anyone. I just told him that I've really been under a lot of stress here lately and it's a cycle once again with my sleep and the stress. Which he knows all too well about. Now, if it would have been any other doctor, they would have sent me to the Adult Mental Health Unit! Which had happened to me before! :o( I knew I could trust him. He talked to me like I was a human being, and not like a piece of meat. He told me that he could give me another medicine that would knock me out and help more with my pain...I agreed. I've heard of it because my mom used to tak it when I was a young girl for her migrains. Darvicet.

My mom told me that it would be alright for me to take because it didn't giver her any side effects, and it helped her as well. So I agreed to take them. Plus, I thought, if they would knock me out, that would be great! My mom told me that she used to take 25 mg. Well, when we went to get mine filled, I have this mamoth bottle! Mine pills are 250 mg! My mom said OMG!!!!! When we got home, she told me to get in bed and to make sure that I had everything I needed and then take a pill. I'm to take them 1 every 5 hours! Ok. So, at 11:00, I took my first pill. Boy was I ready for my butt to be kicked! I wanted to sleep so bad. My home health aid had come, and left at 3:30! Her normal time. Nothing! My daughter had some free time, and I talked to her about what has been on my mind! I felt sooooo much better! It came time to take another pill. Still didn't feel a thing! But....I was starting to feel a relaxing feeling come over my whole body! I've needed that feeling for years now! I didn't get knocked out, but the relaxing feeling was enough for me! :o) I thought if I got up and tried to walk, maybe it would hit me...you know, like when your drinking and when you stand up, then it hits you! Nope, didn't happen. My daughter was keeping her eye on me, which was so sweet of her to do. :o)
The thing is, I've just been worn down. Made fun of. Put down. Put in the middle of things. Told to do certain things and did them while crying. I've been crying everyday. Because of my pain, and all of the above, and because I've let it all happen. :o( I ashamed of myself. :'( I spilled my heart and guts out to my daughter. My mom knows, but she is very busy working alot and she works nights. She's pretty upset, and she cried as well in that office yesterday with me! God bless her! She's worried about me. So is my daughter. As all of you know, I've been having problems with my walking and my back for awhile now. I've just been sucking it up. I shouldn't have. Then, my husband brings home the cutest puppy. I was told that my duty is, when I get up, which is early, to clean up all of the pee and the poo! One morning, in my room alone, there were 8 piles to clean up, then in the kitchen there were 3 plus pee pee! It took me 2 hours to clean all of that up because it's hard for me to bend over! But, I did it. If I don't, I hear it! I've asked him to please put the food bowl up at night to help. He did one night, and there was no poo in the morning. Hasn't done it since. He sleeps on the couch because he says so he can be on "night duty." LOL Yea right! Thats me! I get up, at 2:00 or 3:00 and he's snoring away! I take care of the puppy and all of the above mentioned! I wake him up at 5:30 for him to go to work. Ever since I had the throat test done, I still feel that I have little pieces of stuff stuck to the sides of my throat and in the morning my voice is weird because of that and my throat is very dry like my mouth. He sits up, looks at me, and will ask me a question, and I will answer it. It's usually about the dog. When I talk, my voice will do odd things, out of my control...he'll repeat what he heard, then say, well blah blah blah to you too! :o( And says if you can't talk righ to where I can here you then don't bother! Then I cry, then that pisses him off! Thats how my days starts! :o( Then, I'm still on duty until someone else gets up. Even if I'm tired and need a nap, I have to stay awake to watch the puppy. Which I do love him...he's so adorable, but physically, I'm not able to take care of him. When my daughter gets up, then I can lay down. This is not all of what I've been going through. So much more. ;o( I'm not at all having a pity party, just talking to you guys, my friends. :o) It seems that all I have anymore are my daughter and my J-Land friends to talk to. Geesh! Now I've made myself cry...sorry.
I want to thank you Gerry so so much for sending me the blanket! Wow! It's so much better then the one I have! Thank you so very much! :o) I need to go now.
Thank all of you for caring enough for your comments and emails! :o) God bless all of you! :o)


17 comments:

my78novata said...

oh you should nt have to do all of that. Maybe your duaghter will put the food bowl up. Yeah dogs dont need things to drink and eat at night. they need to be let out every 15 mins. and right after they eat adn play or wake up. that is how in two weeks we trained Arthur. no food or water except at feeding time or water after play time. he went out every 15 mins and then in two weeks no more messes. Im so sorry your having to deal with all of this. I ope th e puppy gets house broke soon. your hubby should be more understanding.

queeniemart said...

Your DH should not have gotten the dog if you are the one who is supposed to take care of it...you are sick and you need to take care of YOU. Darvocet is some major pain pills....the one time in my life i had to take them, after surgery, i was hallucinating and seeing purple midgets climb the walls. GOOD STUFF, lol.
I am so sorry to hear that you are going thru all this. LOVE, lj

hugsdoodlewacky said...

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sugarsweet056 said...

Darvocet is not near as strong as some of the others like Vicodin. But if it helps you, then that's good. Having been a nurse for 30 yrs, then haven taken ALL the pain pills before they started me on Morphine...I'm well aquainted with them...LOL
Hope today is a better day for you.
Hugs, Sugar

newmomtobe2001 said...

Puppy? men are nuts sometimes I swear. Well, try to relax and take care love vicky

lisa41076 said...

Lisa, I think it's unfair that you have to take care of the puppy when you are sick, I am so sorry you are having a hard time right now, wish I could help, Love and Hugs Lisa

inafrnz247 said...

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kamdghwmw said...

I hope that you start to feel better soon and that the pills help. My house is trashed to!
Kelli
http://journals.aol.com/kamdghwmw/noonmom

pharmolo said...

Hope things can get better for you in the new year, Lisa. Be strong - you always are

sneezy7125 said...

You're always such an inspiration to so many... continue to be strong, and remember that with the new year comes new opportunities and new changes. I don't know if you've written about it yet since I haven't been paying any attention to journals in weeks (sorry...) but do you have any New Years' Resolutions? If so, what are they?

Morgan
xxxx
http://journals.aol.com/Sneezy7125/RandomThoughts

(PS: Now that I've gone private, everyone must reset their alerts for me in order to start getting them again... I've had quite a few people ask, so I figured I'd make it known if you haven't done so already, lol. Thanks!)

siennastarr said...

It's good that you have a decent doctor to talk to, who won't make you feel like you are 'bothering' him, or that you are crazy.  We all have stress in our lives, but that doesn't mean we are nuts! :/  

I hope you get to feeling better, Lisa.  I feel like I say that so much, everytime I leave a comment, but I really do.

Hang in there, sweetie..

Oh.. and a puppy is not easy to take care of!  They are hard work for a person who CAN get around, much less for someone who can't!

Hugs
jackie
http://journals.aol.com/siennastarr/Hopefloats/

dca721 said...

Hi Lisa,
Gosh I'm sorry to here about all the puppy chores.  That is rough on someone who is feeling well...i and especially difficult on someone who's not feeling well (you) it's like having a baby.
I have two dogs, I got talked into the second dog by my son...but, guess who takes care of him?  Me.  I think you may want to have a chat with hubby and tell him maybe you guys should get rid of the puppy if he's not able to care for it...just my opinion.  Having a dog is alot of work and I can sure understand that you are overwhelmed.  I may not know alot but I do know that stress isn't good for you my dear.  You need to find some ways of eliminating stress in areas where you can.
I am sorry to hear that anyone would ever make fun of you...that is terrible.
If you ever want to chat online...I am a good listener.
I have the rheumatoid and do understand your pain issues.
I am glad you talked with your Mom and Daughter.
Try and chill out today hon,
Love,
Donna

chat2missie said...

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sweetestsin52605 said...

I hate when you are being put down by the one that "loves" you mom. It hurts me too. I just don't say anything because I know better *which I should, but I don't.* I love you!!!! And give me one of those pills...lol. I could use that. Calm my nerves down just a tad. lmao

therealslimemmy said...

sorry to hear about the puppy chores its no fun dealing with that
hope that you get some needed rest and relief from the meds the doc gave you
ttys
<3, em

cacklinrosie101 said...

I'd leave that poo sit until hell froze over.  Of course, I'm sure that would go over really well but no matter how sweet the puppy is, you shouldn't be the one who has to care for him all the time.  No one should ever make fun of another.  I really don't know what to say or have any advice.  I lived with an abuser so I know the feeling, and I was well.  Hang in there.. HUGS  Chris

gehi6 said...

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