Good Morning! :o) I hope all are well today!
Well, I made it to my arthritis specialist yesterday. And yes, he jus had to squeeze my fingers and joints and then poked my back ! Ouchie! This time my hands were fine, he just made my back hurt worse then normal. I felt that it was a waste to drive that far to hear what he told me. The last time I was there, he gave me new medicine. I have no idea if it's working, I have so many other pains. I've told him that. He asked me if I was doing any water exercises. No, no I'm not. He then told me then I'll see you in 3 months, and within that time, he expects me to do this! My comment back to him was, "Well, I guess I'll have to ask Santa for that gift!" Like thats something I can afford? It just upset me. I really don't like it when doctors will tell you to do things like it's nothing but pocket change to them, and it's like having to take out a loan for me! So, the medicine that he gave me the last time was to go with me exercising in water. So how I'm seeing this is then the medicine is nothing then? Actually, that is what he did say. But...he left out the water exercises the last time I was there!
When I got home, my mom helped fix my bed for me and helped me with a few other things that I needed. :o) Today, I'm suppose to go to the pain clinic. I'm really not looking forward to the either. I don't know what to expect this time since the injections haven't been working. I don't know what could be next.
I really had a pretty bad night last night as well. It's been awhile since I've had these happen to me, so I guess it was time for it! :o) I was having some bad pain in my back and it woke me up. Then I sat up to try to ease it a bit like I alwasy do. My daughter was still up, and in here on the computer. I was feeling sick to my stomach. I got up to go urinate. Well....I got in there and had noticed that I had a bowel movement! :o( And didn't know it. I did have my depends on, so that helps a lot. What a mess I had to clean up. :o( I just cried. I have problems with urinating myself and that as well. :o( I asked my daughter to get me new under wear for me. These are times when I feel so alone. I'm in so much pain, and I have things like this happen, and with the pain and my restrictions and lack of abilities to move certain ways, I can only do my best to clean my self. I'm the only one down stairs at night. No....I'm not having a pity party, I'm just telling it like it is. Because I don't "feel" and I'm "numb" surely doesn't help. All I feel is pain. And of course my heart. So...today, I have some cleaning in my little bathroom. I really don't fee like going to the pain clinic today. I don't know if this will happen again. If it will, I want to be at home when it does. It's too embarressing.
Well, it's like my mom told me yesterday, If only people realized how my health really is, and not by looking at me from the outside, maybe I'd be treated alittle different. She's pretty upset about someone upsetting me. Because I'm not suppose to get that way, because of my health. And this world is so lacking people anymore that care, respect others, are willing to help, and think of others beside themselves. It's filled more with people that are ME ME ME ME ME! When you do get an illness that isn't curable, thats when you see it! Because my life has slowed down enough TO see it. And thats nothing but a fact. I'm getting worse week by week. And only my family can "see" it. Because I just happen to have something you can't see from the outside! And thats NOT my fault.
Well...I need to get off of here and start cleaning. :o( Thank you for your beautiful emails and comments! If you only knew hoe they keep me going! :o) God does bless all of you everyday! :o)
10 comments:
Oh sweetie, I feel your pain & despair. Don't let it get you down. Have to just keep fighting! Hang in & hang on! Things are bad some days, & worse others, but then there are those few good days! That's what makes it all worth while! Never give up. Putting your name in my Prayer Box today for you to cheer up!
Blessings, Sugar
I feel so bad for you. I just wanna jump through this screen and come help you. And your right people don't know or can't see the pain on a daily basis and don't realize how much it takes to get through a day with pain. Since my cancer it seems every inch of my body hurts. It brings me to tears most times. Even a simple task of holding my grandson hurts my body. I will keep you in my prayers. Tell that doctor if he wants you to do water excercises to write you a prescription to get a free jacuzzi installed in your home. I swear they think everyone has a dag on money tree growing in their yard. ((((((((hugs)))))))))))
Cindy
The times that you have written me when you were in such pain, and so weak are cherished because I know it comes from a place of love and caring and out of a gift of energy that you can't afford. I pray to God that He blesses you and lifts you up and enables you to do what you normally cannot do. I know you are distressed but I pray His peace on you and His joy in the middle of all of this. I'm so glad I got to know you this year. Gentle hugs to you.
NELISHIA
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/WISHINGANDHOPING/
http://journals.aol.com/tsalagiprincess1/JumpingOffTheDeepEnd/
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I know it must be horrible to have no idea when your going to pe and havea bowel movent I remember my granny being that way. {{{{HUGS}}}}}}} well you may check some insurance and medicaid pays for memberships at THE YMCA and other places for for you to do the pool if a dr recommened and prescribes it. There are agencies that help out too and the Y will sometimes give a discount so check on that.
That was not very nice, Lisa, but you're totally excused of course. But still very distressing. And indeed, it's very well for the doctors to tell you to do X, Y and Z - they don't have to pay.
Hope Tuesday has improved for you now.
ok next time you see that doc take your mom with you. what an IDIOT he should have told you water excersizes with the new drug IDIOT. i do hope you go to the pain clinic and tell them what is happening. they need to know. don't be embarassed ok:) tomorrow is a new day
Deb
Lisa, For some reason I did'nt get this alert from you, Grrrrrrrrrrr at Aol, I got your card today, Thank You so much !!!!!!!!!!! I am so sorry you are in pain, I would mention to your doctor about having a bowel movement and not feeling it, I pray you feel better and have a pain -free Wednesday, Love and Hugs Lisa
Hi Lisa:
Everything you have written in this entry I am experiencing as well. Please know you are not alone, if you ever need me please send me an email to TreesRGreen78, I will be home on Friday back to Canada and my sn will be operating again and my journal as well. The bowel and bladder problems are indeed very real, embarssing very much so. The messes yes can take hours to clean up. The last two weeks I have had so many attacks of both urinary and bowel problems and have spent more hours in the bathroom than anywhere else. It is very scary to think you must go somewhere and you know that if you do you risk having a very bad accident in your clothes. I must fly home on Friday it is a very long trip, I just pray I will be okay till I get home. I feel your pain that you experience, I understand it so well and the problems with your urinary and bowel functions as well. Sometimes indeed it becomes very frustrating. As you say, looking at you from the outside no one can appreciate how debilitated you are. Yet this type of condition can be from more debilitating in its own way than a very serious illness. This also, though not life threatening can alter your life dramatically. I just say to those who cant see what we are feeling or going through, "Walk a mile in my shoes". I do not wish this condition on my worse enemy. I will be home soon and will send you my phone number, I also can call you. Sometimes, support from someone who is experiencing these same things you are can be a help, if you so wish of course, to speak to me.
Take care and god bless and may your pain be a little less.
TreesRGreen78
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