Sunday, December 4, 2005

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I was feeling a bit better yesterday. The dizziness. I laid down and took a nap and slept for 5 hours! Geesh! I guess my body needed it. :o) I'm begining to wonder if my body isn't under more stress then it can handle still. I have to keep my system always at an even keel. Even temperature. If not, I have bad reactions. Thats due to the damaged hypothalamus/thalamus. I can't control it. Boy do I wish I could. I still have so much on my mind. I'm worried about my sister. I wonder what I have done wrong with my mom. This all needs to be settled. Especially my mom getting my one sisters hopes up on becoming a part of the family again and getting to spend time with her mom, and now it seems to be hopes let down because of what my other sister has said. There are 3 of us and we all "need" our mom, no matter what! You just can't pick and chose which one of us you'll be closer to. I'm just hurting over all of this mess, especially now, at this time of year! I've gotten used to her being this way, but my other sister needs her just as the other one does! But for some reason, it isn't seen that way. And thats pretty sad. It's been excepted that my one sister has changed, but not the other. Not very nice in my opinion. :o( If she can give my other sister a chance, then she should give this sister the very same chance. And if she can remain friends with someone that lies and takes from her, which she "feels" that my other sister will do to her, then I just don't get it. :o( Does any of this make sence? It doesn't to me either! You should live it! :o( This situation in my opinion is very childish. When you have more then one child, you can not pick and chose. I sure don't! I grew up this way, and by having my own children, I can not see how a mother can do this. :o( I love both my children so much and the same. I don't know what I would do without them. Of course through the years they've hurt me, lied to me and stolen from me, but nevertheless, they are still my children, and we've worked through it all. Thats the way it should be. God doesn't turn his back on any of us! I can see this situation to where she won't have anyone but herself and her "friend." I'll still be here, but she will have to be the one to come to me this time, I've been going to her to try to talk and am getting no where. She needs to also tell her friend the truth about the letter she had me type for her to send to her friend. That has to end as well. I'm still hurt over that, especially because I'm the one that took the heat from it, and my body got worse over that, and she tells her friend not to listen to the letter even though she was the one that had me type it for her. Her friend needs to know the truth. I just really neede to talk about this because I think this could be a part of my problems I've been experiancing. It needs fixed so I can get better. And by the way, if you're reading this "woo", ask me, and I'll tell you the truth.


I didn't sleep very well last night. My back and hips are hurting. The right side of my neck is killing me. I was having a hard time walking again yesterday. My legs don't seem to want to work at times. Maybe I'll try my wheel chair today. I won't like it, but if I have to, I will.


By the way, if anyone reads this, and seems to get all "bent out of shape" over what I wrote, don't dog me. I needed to get things off my chest and thats it. Yes, I do have good things to say, and positive things to say, but not this morning, just really needed to get this off my chest. Ok? God bless you all! :o)


 

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my! What a mess! I do understand where you must be coming from. No, that isn't very nice that your own mother can't except having your other sister in her life! How truly sad that is! Your sister must be crushed! And to allow you to take the heat for something your mom asked you to do? Wow! Thats not very nice either, and I am so sorry to hear that. What I don't understand is, why can't your mom have all of her children in her life? I've never heard of such a thing! I don't blame you one bit for being so upset! Plus your mom should tell her friend the truth about the letter to get you off the hook so you can heal! I have fibromyalgia too, and I know how bad you must be hurting. In pain, and mentally! I truly do wish that your mom can honestly see what she has done to you and your other sister. Again, I'm so sorry. Just pray, and God will hear you! You are so right, God would never turn his back on her or any of His other children! I do wish you and your sister and the friend all the best! Hoping the friend will find out the truth so you can heal!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for understanding! :o) It really helps me get through this when at leat someone out there can understand. :o) And you are so right about the pain that I'm going through right now too. It almost feels like I'm losing my family. And by having fibromyalgia, I have lost so many things in my life that I can never ever do again, and that was something very hard to get over and used to. This situation kind of feels like that did. And yes, I'm hurting deep inside. And yes, so is my other sister. :o( Just too bad that our mom just doesn't get it. I guess she doesn't really know how much she has hurt 2 of her daughters. And doesn't talk to us about it. :o( Thank you again for understanding. :o) Thats really helps. :o)
Lisa

Anonymous said...

Thanx Lisa but please dont get yourself upset on my count ok I dont want that. I have given up on the whole mother daughter thing so please you do the same (where Im concerned) I hope you two get things worked out. Love you..Kim

Anonymous said...

Lisa I wish u could Kimwoo to understand that mom has put you in the middle, I havent wrote kim like mom said because i was trying to not have conflict me and kimwoo have been thru alot and i chose to let it all go for everybodys sake, im sorry that it turned around on you.... Kim if you read this if we were ever friends listen u need to talk to mom bout this so it will get cleared up so lisa can go on..mom asked us to write you lisa chose too i didnt. dont fault lisa please i know what kind of person you are deep down...use your head on this one.

Anonymous said...

I kind of already have given up. I also sent this journal to her friend because I wrote about her in it, and she told me not to write about her without letting her know, so I sent it to her as well. I just hope that mom will be happy with her choises. But I still can't help but being hurt over all of this bull. Human nature.
Lisa

Anonymous said...

I agree. She does need to talk to mom about all of this. Mom came to me on everything. Even how to block herself on aol so she could be invisible from her friend! And then the letter! I just can't take much more.
Lisa

Anonymous said...

Lisa,
Sorry, I just had to get in on this one. This all sounds a lot like growing up with my mother. Wow, like mother like daughter or as they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Remember, she hasn't had anything to do with me since grandpa died & it wasn't anything I did because after I divided the money she ended up with more than me. More bills came in & I had to pay them, not her. So I kind of know what you're feeling right now. Just remember, you still have a sister. Take care & just know that I love both of you girls......Aunt Rita

Anonymous said...

You're allowed to write comments l8dybug. Yes, I am sticking by my sister. If it makes my other sister mad, then so be it. I love her just the same as much as I love my other sister. No difference. Too bad the other one doesn't realize that. Throughout all of our life, there have been things said and done by all of us that weren't meant to come out in a bad way. But at least most of us can get over it and move on with our lives and still have a family that includes all of us. I don't know why that it can't be that way. I'm trying to help, and you know I've been the "peace maker" in the family. This time there isn't anything more that I can do. And that hurts my sister and myself. I love all of my family, and all that my sister and I want is just to be a family, but I guess it isn't ever going to happen, which is sad. It really hurts me. :o( I do feel that I am being pushed further away the more I try to help. So, thats why I'm going to just stop. She's not a bad mom, she just needs to see all sides of her daughters, not just one. I love you too.
Lisa