Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I support and love everyone, does that disturb you.....because we are all God's children!


Good morning!  I do hope everyone is feeling alright this morning. :o)
I really had a hard day yesterday. After that massage, My body never really felt any better like it normally does. My headache did go away...yesss! :o) So, it doesn't feel like I have a rubber band around my head anymore! :o) Now thats such a weird feeling. Because it hurts, but there's nothing there!
I just had nothing but a hard time doing everything yesterday. I think things are getting worse. I know my cognative problems are. Because the graphic group I'm in, on a certain day I send out certain things. I was chosen to send out something special everyday! :o) I am really having a hard time thinking. It comes with the horrid fibro....not my fault. :o( I had asked a friend if she could help me get them sorted in the emails, but she couldn't because she was very busy herself, which I understand that of course. :o) Then I recieve an email letting me know from the owner of the group that she was going to have someone else do it because it appeared that I was having too many problems with it. :o( That hurt! Deeply! I sat here and I cried! :o( But, oh well. If others don't understand what fibromyalgia is like or about, then thats not my fault, because I do my best to help others understand in this jounal.

Just like what I put in my subject! I DO support everyone! You want to know why? Because WE are ALL God's children and He made each and everyone of us! Love is Love! If I want to or if it just so happens, and I fall in Love with someone with a skin tone just a bit darker then mine....what does that matter? Tell me! I want to know! I want to know, what it matters if someone happens to have illnesses, and has a few problems doing certain things, but is STILL ALIVE, why are they LOOKED at differently? They are NO different then YOU! And WHY do YOU think YOU are BETTER then they? When we ALL come from the same place! Does that part disturb you?

When it all comes down to it....we are all at the same level! Because we are all HUMAN! :o) I'm short and fat...my son is tall and skinny....does that make a difference? Not to me it doesn't! If someone doesn't seem to measure up to your standards, then that's what disturbs  YOU! Am I right? (this is a rant about something I read)
Or that YOU "think" doesn't measure up to God? What disturbs me is you can sit and do what ever you want to do and then turn around and say things as if YOU are the ONE that can judge people! You throw your words out there as if you know it all, but you really DO NOT! What you need to do is to stop! Stop writing about others like they are beneath you, and just keep writing about the Bible! Thats what YOU do best! Because you don't know people at all!

Moving on.........
This morning is already not a good one. The pain is bad. It's all in the same places as always. My spine, lower back, hips, upper arms and chest, thighs and calves and feet. Last night, my calves and feet were hurting so bad I did my best to rub the muslce cramps down. I also soaked my feet. I rubbed them too. I got back in bed...they were keeping me awake. My calves felt as if they were going to just explode! My feet felt like they had literally little rocks on the bottoms of them and they hurt! :o( I couldn't reach or do anything with the rest of the areas that were in pain. So I just layed there. I did, however, get my laptop out and was going to get on line. The next thing I knew...my daughter was yelling my name! She was on this computer! I don't remember what had happened! :o( She came over and helped put the laptop away for me and I remember laying down. Maybe I passed out, who knows.
Last night, when my daughter was giving my grandson his bath, she came down stairs and got my hair cutting sissors! (sp) It was time for his second hair cut! :o) aawww! :o) I went up with her, and my husband was up there playing with him to keep him busy, and I started in! :o) I have to get pictures! lol :o) He looks soooo cute! :o) He looks like a little man! LOL :o) Today, there's some area's that need a bit of straigthening up, but it's adorable! He even likes it! lol He seen himself in the mirror and said, "OOOOO!" lol :o) And he smiled and kept feeling it! :o) So, I'm glad I got his approvel! :o)
Yesterday I got a letter in the mail from the insurance company. I'm not going to be getting asmuch as I was told on the phone. But...It is a very nice amount! :o) Still alot more then I ever thought I would recieve! :o) So, I signed the papers, and sent them off in the mail. ;o)
I don't want to sound like I'm complaining....but boy do my hips hurt! It really does feel like the bones have been carved on and today, a few small steal rods pushed in them as well. My left one feels worse. My back upper thighs feel like they have huge muslce lumps that are ripped and bleeding down my legs! :o( Ouchie! Today...my shoulders are hurting too! Geesh! I might as well just say my whole body! :o( Because it is! A friend of mine was wondering if you can order on line from Canada, medicines. They have websites. If anyone knows if you can, could you let me know? Just a question, I'm not a pill pusher or anything like that.
I've been noticing that my legs are getting more numb. Yesterday, I was trying to get in my bed, and it's just a normal size bed, and I could get my leg up to get in! I was alone in here and so I tried to just lay down and roll over onto the bed, and then my arms didn't have the strength to push myself up! :o( All I could do was just lay there with half of my body on the bed, and it was hurting my back! Again, I cried! For two reasons, one...I was in major pain, and because I noticed that I was losing more of both my legs and arms. Yes, I'm a cry baby. Oh well. :o) I'm still grieving over the loss of my legs and arms because I haven't fully lost them yet. When I do, the flood gates will open! Then I'll move on in my life!
Again, no plans today. Unless I get my check, then I will. But, I'll be resting in bed more then likely. :o)  ggggrrrr!
Well, if anyone wants to know....I love my life! :o) I love my family! And, I love God! :o) I'm still Lisa on the inside of this vehical that I use here on earth! :o) Not my fault that it came in a bad condition when I got it! :o) It was God's idea! And I accept! :o) Simple as that! :o)
I just wish that others understood more about what I have. Sometimes I feel like I'm being punished for it. That hurts. Why..because I'm not fast enough? Or because I "look" like I'm feeling good? All of that does really hurt me.
Oh well. Their loss, not mine. :o) There's a reason for everything...! :o)
It's like, it takes me alittle over an hour just to write an entry in this journal! No one would know this if I didn't tell you! My hands are in the shape of a "C." And they hurt as well. I have to excersice them to keep them normal and out of pain. I get slower at typing day by day. I notice it, but you don't.
I used to have someone write me emails everyday, and tell me that she didn't know what she would do without my emails everyday. I get fowards from her, but I don't get anymore personal emails anymore. Did I do something? "M"? You see, I'm the type of person that if I've done something wrong, I want to know, so I don't make the same mistake over again. Plus, so I can at least explain my side if I did something wrong. But, it's been since December so thats ok. And I've noticed so many different things here in j-land. I'm not going to mention them, but I'm doing the same thing because I don't have time for alot of the nonsense. So, if anyone needs to hear from me, you can get ahold of me here or email.
I truly miss my best friend sooooooooo much! :o) I don't even remember the last time I seen her. I understand why she's so busy. She works her but off. Hey you! :o)
Going now....I've probably pissed alot of people off now. Oh well. Not my fault the truth hurts.
Thank you for all of your comments! :o) Gods blessings to all of you! :o)




19 comments:

nhd106 said...

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millieukgirl said...

It doesn't disturb me that you support and love everyone.  It's a great way to be.  Don't change Lisa.  Hugs, Millie :)

drb1064 said...

I too offer support and care to everyone although I don't believe there is a god. I believe we come from the Earth and we return there to feed future life. Take care of yourself.
All the best
Debbie

kamdghwmw said...

I am so glad that we are all different. If we were all the same that would be so dull! We all have a purpose here on this earth. I know that someone is reading your journal and drawling strenght from it. Keep your chin up!
Kelli
http://journals.aol.com/kamdghwmw/noonmom

canyonsun04 said...

You didn't piss me off :) How many massages do you get a week? Or month??  What type of massage do you get??
I love ya
Ang

chat2missie said...

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my78novata said...

yeah its hard I guess the group needs stuff done you cant get to right now. Im sorry I know it hurts becuas you want ot be invovled. I know when I try to do something and cant get it done that bothers me too. cant wait to see the pics of the little man

sugarsweet056 said...

Support & love to all is what it's all about. Wish I could've helped you out  yesterday but I am sick with a fever (pneumonia) plus the UTI? I was at the Drs & Pharmacy a good part of the day, then back to bed. So sorry you got your feelings hurt, don't let it bother you too much...some people just don't understand.
Hugs & love,
Sugar

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

Sorry to hear you are in such pain...i so understand...I have not been able to handle this flare up I am going through...and my flu has moved to my chest and I feel as if I can not go...I will be praying for you..Hugs,TerryAnn

rainy35 said...

Just want you to know you're in my thoughts and prayers Lisa.
Hugs,
Dana

lanurseprn said...

Sorry you're having such a bad day.
Pam

hugsdoodlewacky said...

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pharmolo said...

Sounds like a bad day, Lisa, a very bad one indeed. Hope it's improving, because that most definitely does NOT sound like fun.

katie39041 said...

I love to see this Lisa, yes your in pain, yes your feeling down, but you still pack a punch, you are you and good for you sock to em girl, im right behind you.
love and gentle hugs
katie xx

fibfatigue said...

Screw those close minded bitches!  Who cares what people like that think? Certainly not me.  They will have their judgement day.  HATE is not a family value.

jmoqueen said...

I'm sorry to hear your having some bad times regarding the web :(  and with all your pain too ~ I don't know how you cope!!  Bless your grandson and his haircut though :)  

Jenny

http://journals.aol.co.uk/jmoqueen/MyLife

dca721 said...

Lisa,
Sounds to me that the lady in charge of this graphic thing you belong to is a bitch.
You're better off without her my dear.
I understand your pain.
I have alot of pain with my rhuematoid arthritis, I really do understand your descriptive ways of explaining the pain.  It's hell.  Pain is somethin others can't see and people that are fortunate enough not to get it, just don't get it...or realize how lucky they are.  My arms feel like I have wire on the inside that is stiff and doesn't want to budge at my command.
I think you just tell it like it is.
Cute story about your grandbaby.
I am trying to live one day at a time, too much stuff going on if I try and think to far ahead.
Love you,
Donna

merry1621 said...

Lisa, Now I have a better idea of what happened to you.  How dare that group treat you like that?  I am so sorry for you.  You don't deserve that.  Merry

queenb8261 said...

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