Saturday, June 23, 2007

Label Instructions

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."(as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, Delta?)

I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)



jibaro6543 said...

I am glad you are starting to feel better after exhausting your energy out in the sun...I so know how you feel...Just take things easy....but I am thrilled you really are feeling better in general....Love the jokes and all....gave me the
take care of you

sugarsweet056 said...


queeniemart said...

i'm still laughing at that potato chip label!!!!!!!!

lisa41076 said...

Lisa, those are too funny !!!!!!!! Hugs Lisa

malagutigrrl said...

This is SO GREAT!  It reminds me of something Skip did once.  I came over and he had a tube of Preparation H on the coffee table.  "Got hemoroids?"  I asked.  "No, __________ left it here." (He often let out of town bands and performers that played at the place he ran sound to crash at his house).  "Oh," I said, "Is he coming back for it?"  "Probably not but I wanted to show you something."  With this he proceeds to read the instructions.  At the very end of them (and he showed me) in BIG BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS was the following instruction: DO NOT EAT.  
"Now you just know," he laughed, "that the only reason this in on there is because some jerk wrote to them and said, 'I've eaten a whole tube of this stuff and I still have hemoroids and want my money back.'"
From that moment on, whenever we were in the presence of someone who was a "little off", one of us would say DO NOT EAT.  It was the code phrase for "Let's get out of here."
Unfortunately, a lot of these goofy warning are on the packaging because someone HAS done whatever it is and they've gotten sued for it.  Part of that process is that they have to then put it as a warning so no one else does it.  
We are doomed because of stupidity.

geocachelinda66 said...

Wow, I hope I never feel the need to do any of those things, especially stop a chain saw with my genitals!  Linda

hugsdoodlewacky said...


heavenlybama said...

ROFL These are great and I love your siggie tag!