Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The Supermarket


A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.


 


 


Simple Home Remedies


1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto!

2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink..

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer..

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button .

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives.

7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.


16 comments:

ajsproudparents said...

lol I want a supermarket like that. We have the thunder and misters but no smells.
Have a great day
Tricia

kamdghwmw said...

number 8 is so true! I use to think that we were strange, but now I know that everyone else is strange and we are normal! LOL
Kelli
http://journals.aol.com/kamdghwmw/noonmom

my78novata said...

good ones and hey I think I avoid that market all togethet lol

lipglosslush7 said...

LMAO! That was Cute!

glensfork4 said...

Oh that was good......

Michele

barbpinion said...

Lol. Our supermarket has several of those things too. So far, nothing on the tissue. lol
Hugs,
Barb- http://journals.aol.com/barbpinion/HEYLETSTALK

heavenlybama said...

ROFL!  I thought the supermarket was for real until I go to the toilet paper.  haha
Hugs,
D

pharmolo said...

Good laughs there, Lisa thanks :-)

stillh20z said...

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

loved THAT LAST ONE. <NORMAL? NOT ME>

nightmaremom said...

ROFLMAO... love ya girlfriend
d

hugsdoodlewacky said...

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lisa41076 said...

Lisa, OMG too funny !!!!!!!!!!! Hugs Lisa

queeniemart said...

i am cracking up at the toilet paper comment! love,lisa

bqb247 said...

LMAO! Tahnks for your comments Lisa. A few more days for me, but keep em comin; I'll read every one of them when i get back, and i WILL be back!
Brandi

dca721 said...

I was getting suspicious about this grocery store...lmao
Love,
Donna

gehi6 said...

These words of advice remind me of the Red Green Show, where that old guy thinks duct tape is the handiest thing ever invented.   I enjoyed these words of advice but doubt if I ever use them!   Gerry