Monday, August 30, 2004
One day, Thats all I'm asking for.
This is Monday. Oh boy! The begining of just another fun filled week. Again, I woke up sitting in my bed, doing God knows what! I told my husband last night, that I think I'm going to have to sleep with both side rails up. I already have just the one up. If this doing things in my sleep stuff doesn't stop, it could lead to me sleep walking again, and that can't happen. So putting up both side rails will be the safest way that I can come up with. Ok, now the pain that I'm in. I'm having a spasm right now on the right side of my neck. And as always, my lower back, my hips, and my legs are still hurting. My right shoulder is in pain, and the front part of my shoulders are in pain. It feels like it's pulling down on me. If that makes since. As if I have heavy weights in my right hand. My physical therapist is coming today, and I know she will help rub them out. Well, at least massage them enough that they feel better for a few minutes. Which is better then nothing. My daughter has been writing to her father about the past that she remembers. She's been having nightmares over it, and felt by writing to him would help. Well no. Not him. She's experiancing how he really is. She and I talked last night on the phone. She is doing ok. I was worried that he would upset her in some way, but she's taking it, like she's not done, she just got started! YAY! Thats my girl! She's like me when it comes to that! :o) Nothing really happened yesterday. I took a nice long nap. It felt so good to have my husband home on the weekends. That way I can take a nap, and feel like no one will intrude on me. He just makes me feel safe. :o) I still have that fear. I suppose it will be with me the rest of my life. My daughter still has nightmares, and my son, if he hears anything remotly similar, he walks away. The three of us have a different way of dealing with it. My daughter in her dream,still fears that she will end up at her dads house again. Even though she is 19. Today I will be alone again. My son works. My plans are to just sleep. I need it because I got only 3 hours of sleep. That doesn't help my pain any at all. And neither does a few of the emails that I got yesterday, and the phone conversation I had with my daughter. She wrote to me asking me if I talked to someone about something, and now she's not allowed to talk to them! I told her to not worry about it, because I told her how would I know about that situation? If someone else didn't tellme. I know this doesn't sound right to you, but, It does us. But, I still didn't say that they couldn't talk to her, or that she couldn't talk to them. Geesh! I'm so sick and tired of the "he said she said bull shit!" At least it didn't "upset" her, she took it well. Plus, she knew that I wouldn't say that, because she said it didn't sound like the words I would use. And people wonder why I'm in pain!!! Or tired!!!! Like my favorite saying is: STOP BLAMING OTHER'S FOR YOUR OWN MISTAKES!