Sunday, October 21, 2007

Great Toilet Paper Debate

What is the right way to hang toilet paper? As far as myself goes, the placement of toilet paper is a non-issue since I just set the roll on the back of my toilet on top of my Popular Mechanic magazines. If I'm going to have guests that I want to impress (the preacher or my nickel poker buddies), I might slide the roll down on the plunger next to the toilet to give my bathroom that rustic look.


Anyway, back to the question - what's the "right" way to hang the toilet paper? After polling folks on the Internet, up there at Winn Dixie, over at Wal-Mart, and down yunder at the post office, I found out:




51% of folks hang it with the paper dangling over the top.


24% hang it with the paper dangling at the back.


14% of folks say that they hang it whichever way they can get it on the roll the fastest.


11% ain't got no toilet paper holder.


1% said, "Daggum, I'm a guy! I don't know how to change that toilet paper thang!"


Less than 1% (actually 0.03%) didn't know what toilet paper was.


Of course this only answers the question about how most folks hang their toilet paper, it doesn't address the question of what the "right" way is to hang it.


Before I answer that question, I'd like to take a minute and look at all the different types of toilet paper holders there are. First off, here in my neck of the woods most folks (unless they live down there in the city) don't have toilet paper holders. It don't bother us none - we just set the roll on top of the tank, on the edge of the garbage can or edge of the sink.


In government buildings, gas stations, and fast food joints they have those institutional holders where the roll slides on sideways. These vertical holders allow for the owners to put them big four-foot spools of sandpaper-type toilet paper on them. When I was pregnant, my husband (God Bless him) offered to get me one of those so I'd only have to change the roll three times a week instead of three times a day. What a man!


Hey, I wonder if them government boys are upset about whether those rolls are hung right or left? Oh, and this reminds me of a law Congress passed a few years ago, the Americans with Disabilities Act which required hand rails to be placed on the walls of all public restroom stalls. Now, because of the hand rails, they have to mount those big old toilet paper holders down real low, right next to the toilet and everyone has to sit kind of sidesaddle and reach down real far to get to the paper. It really gets on my nerves. Of course, I think the government might've commissioned a five-year study to uncover the benefits of left versus right hangin'. I need to contact my congressman and check on it, I reckon.


Anyways back to the kinds of holders, in the newer houses (built in the late 1970's or so), they have regular horizontal holders and here is where y'all start fussin'. With horizontal holders, it starts to stink like the time Aunt Bette stopped up the crapper after she forgot that she took a double dose of castor oil and then ate four plates of beans. Lordy.


Everybody's got an opinion on the pros and cons of hanging the roll "over" versus "under", and here's what I found out:




As far as being fashionable, the "over" position wins. I visited those nicer hotels (the ones that charge at least $24.95 overnight) and saw that they hung their roll with the paper dangling over the top and then they took the end sheet and folded it into this little fancy triangle. I don't rightly know what that triangle-sheet is for - seems like a waste to me, well, unless you tear off that end sheet and use it to clean out from under your fingernails while you finish your bidness or sumthin'.


If you have toddlers or cats, you should hang it in the "under" position - it doesn't unroll as easily.


If you have boys, by putting the roll in the "over" position, the paper is just begging to be used. This way, the boys will want to use it and you won't have to soak their drawers as long to get out their skid marks.


If you choose a print, you must hang it in the "over" position or the print on the paper will be upside down.


It is easier to grasp if the paper is in the "over" position, of course on the flip side, reaching to the back is just as easy - unless static cling makes the paper stick to the wall.


Standing men prefer the roll over-the-top. I didn't ask why. They scared me.


A physics professor in the "under" camp offered this analysis: To get the paper to turn requires a certain torque, which comes from the tension in the paper being withdrawn. The greater the distance between the plane of the paper being pulled and the axle support line, the less force is required and the less chance of tearing the paper before you have enough. Uh, yeah.


Several womenfolk told me that when they hung the roll in the "under" position, their men often got poop on their hands and then smeared it on the wall when they reached to the back for the edge of the toilet paper.


So the "right" way to hang toilet paper? It depends on what person or critter will be using your toilet and what kind of holder (if any) you got. But, if I just have to choose, then I'll vote for the "over" position.


All this toilet tissue talk has got me to thinking about what I want to get Momma for Christmas this year. She ain't got no toilet paper holder, so I'm gonna install her a nice one. Maybe one of those that have a radio in it so that she can listen to Conway Twitty as she reflects on life's deep meaning. Hey and maybe a cup holder so that she can sip her sassafras tea and meditate on the throne ... ooh, and a telephone jack just in case she is going to be there a while and might want to check her email. I definitely will get her a matching magazine holder for all those Guideposts and Enquirer magazines she dearly loves.


Which way would she hang her roll? Why in the "over" position, of course!


By; Gertrude Butterbean


 


 



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10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love all your new rainbow stuff on your sidebar.  I stole the one with the Japanese symbol for love from you!  Hope you don't mind!  

PS: If I had my way I'd just sit the tp on the side of the sink.  But Ma likes to hang it forward.  LOL

Anonymous said...

I think there's only one appropriate reply here: oh bum

Anonymous said...

Lisa, that is too funny, I love your new sidebar decorations too, Hope you have a good Sunday, Love Ya Lisa XO

Anonymous said...

beings my toilet is 2 inches from the toilet paper holder and when i sit I can't get the paper off of it cause my thigh is up against it too tight, I just sit the roll of toilet paper on the radiator. Nice in winter when heat is on. Ya wipe with warm toilet paper, lol. ((((hugs)))))))
Love,
Cindy

Anonymous said...

Triangle is to see where to grab when over the top...otherwise sometimes it is hard to see where the edge is. It is easier to grab on top then underneath & for men standing especially if they are like 6ft or higher it is very much easier. I'm surprised the basketball players don't like have the toilet higher otherwise their knees would be in the chest when they are sitting! HA! It is better with kids because it is less likely they have it rolled down to the floor, especially with boys! Ugh! Ellen did a whole thing on how Rough the govt paper is also...man they just want to rub us raw in so many ways! HA!

Anonymous said...

that is the great debate! probably should of made a poll out of it!
we go through so many rolls of T-paper here! as we don't have a toilet paper holder because the kids pulled it of the wall and every time they use the T-paper some how they manage to dump the roll either in the toilet it's self or it falls into the leaky sink. We normally either put it on the sinks edge or the back of the tank! no guarantee it will stay there though!

~make it a great day!~
         Sharon
http://journals.aol.com/buggieboo1/ImASurvivor/

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

I have to go with the "under".
Lisa
http://journals.aol.com/wwfbison/life-on-a-bison-farm

Anonymous said...

Heck Im the ony one who chagnes our toilet paper and adds new my way is the wway here

Anonymous said...

Ok....this is my theory and why I hang mine the way I do.  Years ago, hubby would hang it from underneath and we had a cat (which by the way didn't make a difference.  They will grab it either way.)  And years ago, we were party drinkers.  So when I drank too much and had to go get sick, I would need to grab the TP but I had to keep groping for it.  So finally, I got in the habit of putting it on the roll with it over the top.  It was easier to grab when you're puking your guts out.  That's the way I do it.  It's one of my pet peeves.  Even if I go to someone's house or somewhere public that has regular TP holders, if it is under, I HAVE to turn it with it on top.  My ex-SIL always had hers under and I always changed it.  She always knew when I had been over. LOL  It just bugs me if it's under.  I pretty much have hubby trained to replace it like I want.  LOL  Once in a while, he'll put it under but it's very seldom.
Hugs,
D