Whew! I don't know where to even start! A lot happened today that was positive. The place 'fell through' that I was to stay in. But thats ok. When one door shuts, another one will open!
After all of the stuff that I was doing today...I was finally about to lay down and get 3 hours of sleep. Being up for such a long time had really taken its toll on me!
Dh was home when I woke up. What a totaly different person! He wanted to talk to me about last night and opoligized for all he had done and said. I told him that he was abusing me and I had a pamphlet that my case manager gave me! I showed it to him and I also read it to him! And yes, I can turn anyone in that is verbally abusive...it's says that by harrassing, verbaly bullying and not providing for me properly is the same as abusing a child and an elderly person! I'm not going to persue that right now, but I made sure that he does know!
We talked. He told me that he needs some kind of a release when things gets to be overwhelming for him. I understand that. I agreed, and still reminded him to not take anything out on me, because I will not have another night like I had last night! He agreed! He told me that this weekend he's going to look into widening the doorways for me.
I also had more that I needed to tell him as well. Because he needs to know this. He went into the kitchen and I just followed him and sat down. I told him that I had something that I've needed to tell him for years now. He said, "I already know, you're gay." I said yes, and how did he know? He told me that he could tell for years. Well...that did make it easier for me to talk to him about this. He's fine with it and just told me when I bring other girls here to make sure I don't bring home anyone that will kick his ass! lol I just thought that was funny that he said that. I just felt soooooo much lifted off me! Thats what I was talking about a few entry's back when I said that I had talked to someone and that I felt so much better. That was the very first time that I have ever told anyone and I needed to talk and she is such a super person! As far back as I can remember, I liked girls better. When I was around 12 or 13, I remember drawing pictures of girls. And I just kept this a secret for all of these years! So, yes, I'm out of my closet! :o) I hope I don't lose any readers because I admited this....I'm the very same person that I have been all of these years! :o)
I don't know yet about the apartment. Or how long I'll have to wait. She said that she would get back with me when she finds out. She a great lady and yes, she's really on top of things with/for me! I'm so glad about that! :o)
So....right now, things have gone good...more so then I even expected! Not complaining! Just very thankful!
Thank all of you for your support! I still hope I will keep having your support. I treasure all of you! I feel like everyone of you has my back! :o) Thanks so much for all of your kind words! So far, so good. He's asleep, so he isn't going to be yelling. This will/is a good night. At least I can try and relax. Whew! Again, thank you all!
37 comments:
Lisa,
Maybe apartment feel through for a reason.
Loose readers?? Hell, don't make a difference to me dear.
I think you are great.
Do what's best for you.
We all have rough patches and smooth patches in our life.
Happy to hear dh is widening your doors.
Sometimes we get overwhelmed and say things we don't mean.
I am glad that he talked with you today.
Have a good night.
Love,
Donna
Man, my spelling mistakes are really bad...
Just wanted to clear up what I meant.
When I mentioned saying things we don't mean, I meant your husband, not you...
He probably feels terrible for hurting you.
Your true friends want you to be happy, so you won't lose readers.
Donna
Lisa, I'm glad you and hubby talked, I will always support you no matter what, your being gay does'nt change anything, Love You Lisa XO
i hate when someone takes drama out on an undeserving person sorry he dropped his load of crap on you and made you feel bad good yall talked it out though.
Please by no means am I suggesting by this it is an excuse....but do you think you husband may also be taking out on you is also being frustrated that he does not have a full wife? Not only with your illness but now well, he knew but the idea that you are gay? Again, that is a lot singularly for anyone to deal with & if they are not talking about it, which men don't, and maybe he feels he can't leave to be happy so....again not excusing him or saying you should feel guilty AT ALL but this needs to be addressed. I think you moving out is a great first step for all. Are you going to talk to your daughter?
Lisa,
I can promise you have not lost me as a reader for you being honest about "you!"!! What a relief you must be feeling I am so happy you were able to be honest about who you really are. I am also very happy that your husband knows he cannot treat you this way anymore. I have your back hun :)
Hugs and love,
Robyn
I'm so glad you two talked. And I ain't going anywhere! :) Sexual preferences doesn't not affect my friendship with anyone.
Hugs,
D
Wow this is a surprise! You won't lose me as a reader. No way. I wish more people were honest with themselves. I have a friend who is married and we all just KNOW he's gay and he won't come out. It's so sad.
Maybe you and hubby now can get on with your lives. If you move into an apartment you can both do your own thing. It has to be frustrating for him, too. I hope things work out for the best for you both, Lisa.
Hugs..Pam
WOW! and I am the best friend and I did not know that. Guess that shows that a persons sexual prefrence has nothing to do with who they are. I have always loved you for being you and that will never change. I know we have had several talks in the past but guess I never put two and two together (thats what happens when you share a brain cell lol) I am just glad that you were able to release some of the things that were bothering you.
Rhonda
((((((((((((((((((LISA)))))))))))))))))))))You are stil and will always be the same person I know and came to love,I will never leave you.I am glad that you talked thigns out and got it out in the open.Have a nice day.
I am so glad that you let him know exactly where you stand and that there will be no more verbal abuse!
I am very happy for you....sexual orientation does not make a friendship---still got your back girlfriend!!!!
Be Happy!
Ellie
so will you be okay with him having someone else now if he finds someone. ??? what about your daughter? have you told her. ? will she be upset? Im glad hubby is okay now and calmer. yes I think one reader is right when a man doesnt fully have a woman and is not getting his needs filled then he sometimes lets anger get ot him and takes it out on others but no its not right!!!! it shouod not happen
WELL LISA IT MAKES NO DIFFERNACE TO ME WHAT YOU HAVE TOLD US HERE TODAY.I FEEL THOUGH RATHER THAN SPEND MONEY ON WIDENING THE DOORS.HB SHOULD SAVE THAT MONEY AND I THINK YOU SHOULD GET A PLACE OF YOUR OWN AND USE IT TO MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE AWAY FROM THE LESS STRESSFUL THINGS..I THINK THE SAME THING WILL STILL HAPPEN AGAIN BETWEEN YOU AND HUBBY ,BUT THATS ONLY MY THINKING.IF YOU PREFER TO BE WITH A WOMAN I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE AND STAY AMICABLE WITH HIM..YOU WILL GET PLENTY HELP AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS AT HOME AND ONLINE ARE BEHIND YOU DEAR TOO.IT'S WORTH A TRY IN MY OPINION.WOULD I BE RIGHT IN THINKING THAT YOU CARN'T LIVE WITH HIM BUT YOU ALSO CARN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM EITHER,AS I HAV EKNOWN WOMEN LIKE THIS BEFORE AND THINGS HAVE NEVER CHANGED..I DON'T KNOW I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP.I HOPE YOU DON'T TAKE OFFENCE AT MY THOUGHTS.PLEASE TAKE CARE AND I PRAY YOU HAVE A BETTER PAIN FREE DAY.flip me.sorry for the blocks.GOD BLESS KATH astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES
We all love YOU for being YOU (((((((((((((((((((((((Lisa))))))))))))))))))))))))
Congrats for coming out of the closet. What a weird way to put it, what does a closet have to do with anything??? LOL
((((((((Lisa)))))))))) You won't lose me as a reader. I have a brother who is gay. And just because he is gay doesn't make him less my brother. He was my brother the day he was born and he'll be my brother forever. And you were a friend before you told all this, and you will remain a friend also.
Love,
Cindy
You are one strong lady...I admire you! I love your attitude...your energy. Praying all works out...many hugs and love,
Joyce
I for one are pleased that you are now out in the open. You will feel 100% better. The stress you have carried on your shoulders must have been horrendous. It all takes its toll. You are now being true to yourself a big thing and a whole new world. I do think you and hubby need to talk more. As to what your future holds i wish you all the best and loads of love to go along side of you.
Love and fibro hugs.
Katie
I'm glad you've had a frank talk with your other half, Lisa, it makes things that much easier. I have no issue with you coming out, if that's the way you feel inclined, that's the way it is. Doesn't change anything as far as I'm concerned.
I've been reading your journal for quite some time now and to be honest I was surprised to learn that you are gay. I have no problem with that. What I do wonder however is what about your husband? Is is fair to him for you to continue in this relationship? I hope you are able to get into an assisted living situation soon. Perhaps you both need to start new chapters in your life. After all, this can't be easy for your husband either.
That is up to him. He told me that he was fine with it and that he already knew. And if he wasn't fine with it, he said that he would have seperated years ago.
And thank you for your concerns for him.
Lisa
Love ya sweetie! Not real sure if you're gay or just totally confused. (maybe bi-sexual?) But either way, I'll be here for you. {{}}
Hope things work out ok, still think you need to pursue the assisted living angel, because of your illness, but that's all up to you. I'm behind what ever you decide.
Hugs,
Sugar
Wow!!! Music and everything!!! You sure know how to have a coming out party!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHA The video did it for me. Too funny!!!!
And you sure did let the world know. :-)
Glad you guys got to talk about how he treats you.
Have a good day.
love ya
It makes no difference to me if you are gay....it won't change anything as far as I'm concerned.
I think it's very courageous of you to "come out" - good for you.
Lisa
Lisa, it's not my place to judge folks, so makes no change in my journal reading and commenting to you. Your coming out though I believe answers a lot of questions on why DH has been abusive with his words to you dear. Now that you've come clean with him, do the same for your other family members. Also believe that your moving into your own place may be the right choice so that you and DH can get on with your lives. Couldn't have been easy on him knowing but not saying he knew to you, You do what is best for all of you, so you both will have peace your way. Arlene (AJ)
Good luck in whatever you decide.
Your being gay is a personal decision.
Nothing surprises me anymore.
I believe in being honest with people.
Your husband had a right to know.
But that is no excuse for his being abusive.
He has to have had some inkling though.
I would not want to live a lie.
That is probley making you feel worst, the tension of both of you not having a close relationship.
You know from my backgroound this new info will not make any difference in my concern and caring for you. I am just glad you finally got to a place where you wanted to talk about it. Considering the horrendous introduction you had to adult sex as a child from your step father, I would say that too may have helped turn your feelings in the complete opposite direction. To me, whether a person feels they were born that way or went that way it still happened beyond their control. You couldn't help what you felt. I know it will be hard for your kids to take it in. I was wondering if this figured in your divorce to their father. You love kids so much. It must have been worth the effort to try to fit into the mold to get these wonderful kids. As so many have done before you who did not want to give up having kids. My dad included But I very much applaud your wanting to talk about this, to come forth with everything that might be troubling you. I feel my dad could not, and if my sister had these issues, she was not able to before she died, too. The more honest we can be, I think the better, spiritually and every other way. I do feel that sometimes men think they can handle something but are just not wanting to face change. But abuse forces us to make decisions and changes. I know the next phase of your existence will be hard, but you are taking it a step at a time I hope your kids understand how important it was for you to be able to talk about this! My best to you. Gerry
Hey Lisa. I am so happy that you and dh talked and that things are a better for you. I am glad that you came clean with your husband.
Kelli
http://journals.aol.com/kamdghwmw/noonmom
h
Lisa,
Well, you shocked the heck out of me!! Totally. I think I have pretty good insights to people, but never did I see this or feel any of this EVER in reading your journals in all this time. I want you to know I have come to care about you and consider you a friend. And you were very brave to be so honest like this about your being gay. I will continue to support you and hope you get the care you need, and I hope you feel freer now that you have told us all this.
I still feel strongly that you should at least look into the apartments or assisted lving that your case worker suggested. It doesn't hurt to have a plan of where to go!
Merry
h
You live your life for you..no one else...we all only have one chance at this life so its good to be honest with yourself and family. Good for you!
love, lj
This all sounds like REALLY good progress:) I'm so happy to hear that (the progress). And, if you can't be honest with yourself and the others you love the most, yikes, so that is good you could be open with them, also.
Wooohoooo you go girl! I love your strength! Linda
I'm glad you got this off your shoulders Lisa. I can tell it made you feel better. I want you to be happy. Still praying for you. : ) love, Shelly
I've been playing catch up on my journals. Better late than never reading this entry, right?!?! Well...just so you know...nothing changes. You are still a good friend. I refer to you all the time as Lisa.....J-lander from Ohio. Take care!!!
Hugs,
Gina
Hi Lisa,
I haven't been keeping up with journals for the last few days. I started with todays entry and read to where I left off. I am happy for you that you finally came out. That doesn't make any difference to me if you are gay or not. I love reading your journal and will continue to. Have a great day.
Love,
Kat
Post a Comment